It's Thanksgiving time and I will be doing the usual running from house to house seeing everyone and eating till I can't eat anymore. It's sort of the same routine year from year. I also take time to enjoy certain traditions through out the holidays and to be mindful of the lessons I have learned, the new people I have met, and the better me I try to become. so here goes....
Each Thanksgiving I look forward to some of the same things, it's not the food or driving from house to house....IT's simple little things that make the Holiday special for me. I LOVE and MUST watch the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade....no Thanksgiving is complete without me watching and seeing that wonderful parade of acts, plays, musicians, and ROCKETTES!!!!!!! I get up and make sure I am settled and ready before it comes on. I miss the days of having nothing to do so that I could dedicate that 3 hours to just the parade, but I now end up getting some cooking or something done while watching it.
I love seeing family and laughing, I'm the type person that I may not remember what I ate at one house or another, but I will remember a laugh, a story, and a comfy feeling. I've always said, if you make me laugh then you have my heart!!
I'm thankful for lots of things this year. I've learn some hard lessons in the past year and I've had the pleasure of some fabulous people coming into my life or making a re-appearance.
I'm thankful for friends, I have the most amazing friends who never fail to understand me. I mean seriously, I get half a sentence out and they already know where I'm headed with it and what I'm feeling. It's great, anything I need they are always willing to be there. I truly am blessed to have them. I have made lots of new friends as well. With my move to Belmont, I am an hour away, if not more, from my friends so I have made some great new ones and I'm thankful for them. I have surrounded myself with people who are there and support me. They may tell me it's a bad idea, BUT they are there for me and if they have something to say, it's said to me not about me. So to all of you I'm soooooo thankful to have you in my life...your words of encouragement and your supports are amazing!!! I just hope I'm as good of a friend to all of you as you are to me.
I'm thankful for my trials and tribulations....GOd knows I've more of those than I bargained for. I have been through a lot in the last year. At this time last year, I was closing some chapters and opening a whole bunch of new ones. I have made a bad decision or two along the way and I've been down and out several times, BUT with each closed chapter, a better one opened, with each bad decision, I learn to make better ones, and with each day I was down, I had two good days to replace it. With each tough hard day, I became stronger and smarter. For that, I'm thankful, I have scars to prove that all wounds heal and all frowns will turn around.
I'm thankful for David....we have been together a little over a year and I would have never imagined that this Thanksgiving I would be planning a wedding. I'm grateful for his friendship that he gave me before we became a couple and I'm grateful for him as the man in my life. David understands ad gets me. He goes the extra mile for me. He a wonderful boyfriend. In 7 short months he will be my husband. I can't wait for that day!!! I can't imagine a better life time partner to have beside me than that man. He still gives me butterflys, he is kind and sweet, he makes me smile at little things, he aggravates the hell out of me and can be soooo irritating. He has my heart, right in the palm of his hand and he is cautious with it. We have been through so much together....a lot good, and some not so good. BUt we made it out as a couple and now we are in it together till the end.
I'm thankful for a lot in my life. the ups and downs, the mistakes and the corrections, and all those who never left my side through it all. So this thanksgiving I wish all of you a wonderful Holiday and a great day and know that I am grateful for every person in my life; you make it worth the ride!!!
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Friday, November 5, 2010
This is who I am when your not looking...
So, I haven't blogged in awhile because I've been so busy with work and tradeshows, BUT I have successfully pulled off all of my events and now I can de-stress a little. Last night (or this morning) I rolled in from Atlanta after doing WFX at 1:00am. I was so tired and sick and just worn down. I got a shower and texted with David for a couple hours. He posted a song that I ABSOLUTELY love and have ever since I heard it. It's called "who are you when I'm not looking." He said that it reminded him of me. Well, now when I listen to that song I really listen to the words. I thought to myself, you know, I am kind of a different person when alone. I let things come out more, I let a guard down, and I let myself fall apart every now and then. So, this blog is to kind of de-stress but to also let the man I love KNOW exactly who I am when he's not around.
So this blog is going to go along with the song but also my actions when I'm home all alone for days while David is gone. This blog will reveal a lot that I don't think even David or Mom knows. So here goes....
I work hard, I'm the Executive Assistant to the President of an Audio Company; my work ethic is strong and I push myself and take on a lot more than I should at times, but I enjoy working and being needed at work. I love at the end of the day going home though. There is nothing like walking in the door and knowing that I'm safe and can relax. Usually if David is in town then I will go home and start supper, cook, maybe do laundry, then dishes, then shower, devotion, and then bed. When he is gone, I go home take the puppy out, play with Chumley for an hour or so. Give him treats and then I have a beer or a mix drink to settle me down. I read Chumley stories.... I know, but I do, and he listens, it is the sweetest moment I get with him all day. Usually if I have no show coming on I will fix me a bowl of cereal and dance and sing with Chumley. He loves when I dance and he gets to jump and act a fool with me. We dance all over the apt and it is such a fun time. Come shower time or bath time; that is me time. I give Chumley all my love while I'm home...I want 30 minutes for me so that when I get out I have all my love to give him again. So, yes babe, I do undress and leave a path from my side of the bed to the bathroom door. Chumley like to put my clothes in a pile and snuggle in them and so I don't have to fight him and feel bad for not letting him in the bathroom. So I turn the radio on and hop in the shower or bathtub and I sing. I sing loudly. I sing songs that remind me of my day or how I'm feeling at that moment. I get out and dry off and will ususally let Chumley in because he thinks I'm dancing without him.
After that I may go to bed or if Chumley is playing with toys I will take some time and write. I hold a lot in and I try not to let all of my negative feelings come out for the world to see. It helps nothing (yes babe, I know I can be negative but you don't see half of what goes through my head or what I feel.) I will write and think about things I have done through out the day or emotions I went through. I think about me and David. It's hard when David is gone and I try not to say I miss you and wish you were here all the time because he doesn't really need to hear that. I try to have a little bit of a life here while he is gone. I try to focus on me or spend as much time spoiling Chumley as possible. (I adore that dog to the ends of the earth) Sometimes after I start writing about me and David or thinking about us, I cry and I cry hard. IT's not easy going two weeks and only seeing him one day or feeling bad and needing him and him not being there. It sucks because when you date a man in racing you have to come to grips with the fact that racing is first priority and first love, and the life at home falls in wherever it fits. I still have trouble but David likes what he does and he has been doing it long before he met me and I wouldn't ask him to change that. So yeah I have a difficult time and I spend a great deal of time feeling lonely BUT the great thing about that is I enjoy our time together AND I have a little 4 pound love that comes running to me as soon as I move and am ready to snuggle and I realize that I have everything I need and want to not feel lonely in that little guy. He's wonderful. He is such a blessing and I love him to death.
So, in the end. I dance, sing, drink, love, cry, and get lonely. BUT when David is gone it allows me time to bond wiht Chumley, time to miss him, and time to be me if I want or not to be me, it allows me to fall apart and not have to worry about it.
So, that is who I am when no one is looking....
So this blog is going to go along with the song but also my actions when I'm home all alone for days while David is gone. This blog will reveal a lot that I don't think even David or Mom knows. So here goes....
I work hard, I'm the Executive Assistant to the President of an Audio Company; my work ethic is strong and I push myself and take on a lot more than I should at times, but I enjoy working and being needed at work. I love at the end of the day going home though. There is nothing like walking in the door and knowing that I'm safe and can relax. Usually if David is in town then I will go home and start supper, cook, maybe do laundry, then dishes, then shower, devotion, and then bed. When he is gone, I go home take the puppy out, play with Chumley for an hour or so. Give him treats and then I have a beer or a mix drink to settle me down. I read Chumley stories.... I know, but I do, and he listens, it is the sweetest moment I get with him all day. Usually if I have no show coming on I will fix me a bowl of cereal and dance and sing with Chumley. He loves when I dance and he gets to jump and act a fool with me. We dance all over the apt and it is such a fun time. Come shower time or bath time; that is me time. I give Chumley all my love while I'm home...I want 30 minutes for me so that when I get out I have all my love to give him again. So, yes babe, I do undress and leave a path from my side of the bed to the bathroom door. Chumley like to put my clothes in a pile and snuggle in them and so I don't have to fight him and feel bad for not letting him in the bathroom. So I turn the radio on and hop in the shower or bathtub and I sing. I sing loudly. I sing songs that remind me of my day or how I'm feeling at that moment. I get out and dry off and will ususally let Chumley in because he thinks I'm dancing without him.
After that I may go to bed or if Chumley is playing with toys I will take some time and write. I hold a lot in and I try not to let all of my negative feelings come out for the world to see. It helps nothing (yes babe, I know I can be negative but you don't see half of what goes through my head or what I feel.) I will write and think about things I have done through out the day or emotions I went through. I think about me and David. It's hard when David is gone and I try not to say I miss you and wish you were here all the time because he doesn't really need to hear that. I try to have a little bit of a life here while he is gone. I try to focus on me or spend as much time spoiling Chumley as possible. (I adore that dog to the ends of the earth) Sometimes after I start writing about me and David or thinking about us, I cry and I cry hard. IT's not easy going two weeks and only seeing him one day or feeling bad and needing him and him not being there. It sucks because when you date a man in racing you have to come to grips with the fact that racing is first priority and first love, and the life at home falls in wherever it fits. I still have trouble but David likes what he does and he has been doing it long before he met me and I wouldn't ask him to change that. So yeah I have a difficult time and I spend a great deal of time feeling lonely BUT the great thing about that is I enjoy our time together AND I have a little 4 pound love that comes running to me as soon as I move and am ready to snuggle and I realize that I have everything I need and want to not feel lonely in that little guy. He's wonderful. He is such a blessing and I love him to death.
So, in the end. I dance, sing, drink, love, cry, and get lonely. BUT when David is gone it allows me time to bond wiht Chumley, time to miss him, and time to be me if I want or not to be me, it allows me to fall apart and not have to worry about it.
So, that is who I am when no one is looking....
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