So, it's been forever since I have blogged. I keep meaning to and then life gets ahold of me and I push it off.
Let me start off by saying that 2011 has been a fabulous year so far. I have so many things to thank God for everyday. I have a job that I seem to be able to keep at times, I have coworkers that are like a little family here in the Charlotte area, I have a family that loves me, I have friends that are unbelievable, I have a puppy who seems to be the joy in my life most days, and I have a fiance who never ceases to amaze me. So, 2011 you have been good to me.
I have lots going on this year. At work, things are increasing in my schedule and the big step this year is becoming a wife. In less than 5 months I will exchange vows and I do's with someone that I love and who gives me the love I give in return. I must say that I have struggled in this wedding planning thing a little but I should be back on track (at the moment that I am typing this :) )
As 2011 rolled in, I looked around me and in my life and did an inventory of people. Some people have disappointed me, a lot of people have disappointed me to be exact, but I have forgiven them and have moved on. I looked around at the people I choose ot surround myself with and I have decided that some relationships are better left in 2010. Some people will always be a part of my life, simply because they are family or because they have a purpose, BUT I have decided that some people just simply didn't keep a promise of a relationship. So I'm leaving them in 2010.
It became apparent to me that some people don't get out of a certain stage in their life. After moving and sitting back and watching a lot of people, I realized that I didn't want to be a part of certain things. I have learned as my mother says, "theres a difference in being excited and acting like you're 13" I know how to be excited without displaying childish attitude and ways. I've watched people cling to certain people that they talked down about at one time and decided that isn't me. I have watched some sleep with others boyfriends and then go out with the guys girlfriend as if nothing ever happened.
So, 2010, happy to see you go and glad you brought 2011 because you allowed me to say good bye to some people and you allowed me to carry over awesome relationships.
So to all of you close to me, I love you and am blessed to have you. I can wait to see what the future holds!!!
Heres to hoping everyone has a fabulous year!!!
Friday, January 28, 2011
Monday, December 13, 2010
About me
I was looking down through my blog and realized, that in my profile I have a very small about me section. Most of what it states is already known.
David asked me the other day going down the road, What makes you smile, laugh, get excited, and be estactic, and honestly.....I couldn't answer. I've spent the last 10 years of my life trying to be more mature, grown, and responsible. Anytime I let the responsibility fall, there is always someone yelling disappointment. So, since then I have thought, what does make me those things? I don't know that I honestly know, but I do know who I am and what my hopes and dreams are.
First, my name is Amanda Lynn Medford. Most people in RC call me Mandie and most people around me now call me Amanda. It's a little funny, but I like that I was able to get a new start when I moved and be what and who I wanted to be. I'm 25 years old....yes the dreaded 25!!!!!!!!! I hate it, it seems like now it is only down hill and I have nothing accomplished that I wanted to by this age. I have a Mom..who is my best friend. Yes, there are times when we get on each others nerves and I think to myself, I wish she would hush. BUt at the end of the day when all else fails, it will be here that I call. I have a father who is an air traffic controller and works hard and treats me with respect. Dad sees me as grown and knows that I will eventually get it on my own. Luckily both my parents instilled in me a great work ethic and to work for what you have. Both parents also expect a lot from me. I was always the one to try harder in school, always the one willing to work a little harder if I had to, the one to get a job when I didn't have to, and the one to set the goals high. So, the expectation of responsibility is always there. Not always a bad thing, but sometimes everyone wants to know what it's like to not hold the responsibility.
I have a little brother who is my next best friend. That guy knows everything about me. He is very observant and smart. To carry on a conversation with him is unbelievable. I envy his knowledge of things. I have a very caring brother, although it's not always shown, he cares about his family more than he will let on. Mess with him, your fine, mess with one of us and the wrath of that boy comes out.
I've learn lots of things growing up. I grew up in a small town where it's hard to imagine a world other than a world where you know everyone and everyone is kind. BUT....I got exposed to other worlds quite quickly.
I grew up a dancer. It was my passion, it is what made my heart beat and my body and soul come alive. Still does to this day. Just the beat of music makes my whole body want to go. Growing up dancing was every week my dreams coming true. No matter what kind of day I was having, no matter what was going on at home, or what laid ahead of me...dance was where it all got left at the door and my world didn't consist of anything beyond 5,6,7,8. There were times when if I had to go through one more struggle in the dance room, I would scream, but come the weekend, when the costume went on, hair done, make up packed on, and lights were beaming...you hear that first beat of music and it all comes alive; you realize you would take 10 humiliations to do what you are doing. You would give it all up on the side just to hear and top over all winner is....
It's those moments in life that I was estatic, excited, and happy. A whole new persona comes out on stage. you can be anybody you want to be. You can be happy, you can be sassy, you can pour all emotions into a 3 minute routine and come off stage knowing it was good.
I haven't danced on a stage in 7 years, and I miss it. To this day I love to dance. Just dancing around makes me happy, being scooped up in the middle of responsibilities and dancing makes me come alive.
writing about dancing makes me smile.
I have lots of other things about me that are good too.
I love the color pink (yes, I know, such a girl, but I love it)
I love coach (expensive I know but they last forever)
I LOVE Jessica Simpson, I don't care what anyone says that girl is hot and she is smart. She is a fabulous designer.
I love spring and summertime!!! They make me happy.
Sunshine always puts me in a good mood.
I actually do love to smile and if you can make me smile, my heart is your forever!! :)
I like meeting new people, I can talk and carry on with anyone new I meet, I just have to warm up to ya
I have learn to be independent and better myself. I appreciate gifts and gestures, but I don't expect them and if I can get it myself and want to, then let me. I get a little something extra out of it!
I've changed over the past couple years and the new and improved me is better and happier.
I love to shop!!!! I know I get a little too much enjoyment out of it, but I can accept that!
I have overcome a lot of mountains in a short lifetime. (well 25 yrs :( ) but I've learned a lot and although there are somethings I could do without remembering, living through it all made me who I am and I believe in writing your own story!!
I believe in Karma (and some truly are building up stock) I believe if I hand all evil directed toward me to God, then How people react will bring them their karma.
I am learning to love country music (David's fault), I like racing, bud lite, football (redskins), and baseball. I'm a beer, wings, and sports kind of gal and love it that way.
I love spending time with David, he makes me smile and loves me like I want to be loved.
I have been through my fair share of heart ache, but without it, I wouldn't appreciate the little efforts made today.
I have some of the best people in my life that a girl could ask for:
Ashleigh Green - we have been through it all together....so happy to have you in my life; never a dull moment and it's always full of laughs.
Ashley Lawson - you stood by me no matter what and help me to where I am today. A lifetime friend and sister is what you are.
Matt (step daddy) - there are times when I want you to agree with me, but you are honest and in a loving way. You are always concerned and caring. You have the perfect touch with me! :)
David, you brought me up when I didn't think anyone could. You stood by me. We have been through some rough things together but in the end; it is me and you for a lifetime babe and that I thank God for everyday!!
David asked me the other day going down the road, What makes you smile, laugh, get excited, and be estactic, and honestly.....I couldn't answer. I've spent the last 10 years of my life trying to be more mature, grown, and responsible. Anytime I let the responsibility fall, there is always someone yelling disappointment. So, since then I have thought, what does make me those things? I don't know that I honestly know, but I do know who I am and what my hopes and dreams are.
First, my name is Amanda Lynn Medford. Most people in RC call me Mandie and most people around me now call me Amanda. It's a little funny, but I like that I was able to get a new start when I moved and be what and who I wanted to be. I'm 25 years old....yes the dreaded 25!!!!!!!!! I hate it, it seems like now it is only down hill and I have nothing accomplished that I wanted to by this age. I have a Mom..who is my best friend. Yes, there are times when we get on each others nerves and I think to myself, I wish she would hush. BUt at the end of the day when all else fails, it will be here that I call. I have a father who is an air traffic controller and works hard and treats me with respect. Dad sees me as grown and knows that I will eventually get it on my own. Luckily both my parents instilled in me a great work ethic and to work for what you have. Both parents also expect a lot from me. I was always the one to try harder in school, always the one willing to work a little harder if I had to, the one to get a job when I didn't have to, and the one to set the goals high. So, the expectation of responsibility is always there. Not always a bad thing, but sometimes everyone wants to know what it's like to not hold the responsibility.
I have a little brother who is my next best friend. That guy knows everything about me. He is very observant and smart. To carry on a conversation with him is unbelievable. I envy his knowledge of things. I have a very caring brother, although it's not always shown, he cares about his family more than he will let on. Mess with him, your fine, mess with one of us and the wrath of that boy comes out.
I've learn lots of things growing up. I grew up in a small town where it's hard to imagine a world other than a world where you know everyone and everyone is kind. BUT....I got exposed to other worlds quite quickly.
I grew up a dancer. It was my passion, it is what made my heart beat and my body and soul come alive. Still does to this day. Just the beat of music makes my whole body want to go. Growing up dancing was every week my dreams coming true. No matter what kind of day I was having, no matter what was going on at home, or what laid ahead of me...dance was where it all got left at the door and my world didn't consist of anything beyond 5,6,7,8. There were times when if I had to go through one more struggle in the dance room, I would scream, but come the weekend, when the costume went on, hair done, make up packed on, and lights were beaming...you hear that first beat of music and it all comes alive; you realize you would take 10 humiliations to do what you are doing. You would give it all up on the side just to hear and top over all winner is....
It's those moments in life that I was estatic, excited, and happy. A whole new persona comes out on stage. you can be anybody you want to be. You can be happy, you can be sassy, you can pour all emotions into a 3 minute routine and come off stage knowing it was good.
I haven't danced on a stage in 7 years, and I miss it. To this day I love to dance. Just dancing around makes me happy, being scooped up in the middle of responsibilities and dancing makes me come alive.
writing about dancing makes me smile.
I have lots of other things about me that are good too.
I love the color pink (yes, I know, such a girl, but I love it)
I love coach (expensive I know but they last forever)
I LOVE Jessica Simpson, I don't care what anyone says that girl is hot and she is smart. She is a fabulous designer.
I love spring and summertime!!! They make me happy.
Sunshine always puts me in a good mood.
I actually do love to smile and if you can make me smile, my heart is your forever!! :)
I like meeting new people, I can talk and carry on with anyone new I meet, I just have to warm up to ya
I have learn to be independent and better myself. I appreciate gifts and gestures, but I don't expect them and if I can get it myself and want to, then let me. I get a little something extra out of it!
I've changed over the past couple years and the new and improved me is better and happier.
I love to shop!!!! I know I get a little too much enjoyment out of it, but I can accept that!
I have overcome a lot of mountains in a short lifetime. (well 25 yrs :( ) but I've learned a lot and although there are somethings I could do without remembering, living through it all made me who I am and I believe in writing your own story!!
I believe in Karma (and some truly are building up stock) I believe if I hand all evil directed toward me to God, then How people react will bring them their karma.
I am learning to love country music (David's fault), I like racing, bud lite, football (redskins), and baseball. I'm a beer, wings, and sports kind of gal and love it that way.
I love spending time with David, he makes me smile and loves me like I want to be loved.
I have been through my fair share of heart ache, but without it, I wouldn't appreciate the little efforts made today.
I have some of the best people in my life that a girl could ask for:
Ashleigh Green - we have been through it all together....so happy to have you in my life; never a dull moment and it's always full of laughs.
Ashley Lawson - you stood by me no matter what and help me to where I am today. A lifetime friend and sister is what you are.
Matt (step daddy) - there are times when I want you to agree with me, but you are honest and in a loving way. You are always concerned and caring. You have the perfect touch with me! :)
David, you brought me up when I didn't think anyone could. You stood by me. We have been through some rough things together but in the end; it is me and you for a lifetime babe and that I thank God for everyday!!
I love ...
Diet Mtn Dew
Diet Pepsi
UNC
Gamecocks
Redskins
THE ATLANTA BRAVES
CHIPPER JONES
THE ATLANTA BRAVES
CHIPPER JONES
football
baseball
racing
family
texting :)
dancing
going out dancing
chumley
South Carolina
chicken
family time
God
laying out in the sun
girl time
shopping
spending time with David
Hooters wings
tequila
spring
pedicures
massages
relaxing bubble baths
mimosa's :)
strawberries
popcorn
chocolate
being independent
taking pictures
dressing up
boots
perfect pair of jeans
mini skirts
high heels
days off
singing loudly in the car
singing in the shower
going places I've never been before
going places that have memories
Beaufort, SC
baking
jewelry
cuddling
reading
writing
tennis
quotes & poems
kissing
being in love...
being in love...
A few quotes I love:
" live with intention, walk to the edge.
Listen hard, practice wellness, play with abandon
Laugh, choose with no regret, appreciate your friends
do what you love and live as if this is all there is."
" I believe in pink, I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner.
I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong.
I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow
is another day and I believe in miracles."
"You know I'm a big girl, I can handle my share of trauma and I get to decide when I've had enough."
" Strength is nothing more than how well you hide the pain."
" A wise girls kisses, but doesn't love, listens, but doesn't believe, and leaves before she is left."
"Seduce my mind and you can have my body, find my soul and I'm yours forever."
"I'm the kind of girl who will dance in the pouring rain, smile like I"m fine when I'm not. Make you laugh when you want to cry, worry more about you than me. Fall over laughing at the dumbest things. Always forgive but never forget. who loves so many and hates so few when she is loved by so few and hated by many."
"smile, we're here... (by David )
Friday, December 3, 2010
the laziness in life
I truly probably should be doing something else besides working on this blog, but I haven't blogged in a long time and I've been doing a lot of thinking today about one particular thing. Laziness. People get lazy, we get tired of working our butts off day in and day out. Things get old like, cooking, cleaning, working, laundry, grocery shopping, and paying bills. We pay so much attention to those things that there will always be one thing that gets our attention last.....our relationships.
I'm talking about ALL relationships, family and significant others. This has been on my mind all day because I've gotten lazy in my relationship. David and I have jobs that require a lot of attention, extra hours, and sometimes all of our time. When we get home or are at home we have to spend all of our time trying to see family or cooking, cleaning, and getting all the "responsible" things done. One of the things suffering is our affection and communication. It sucks and has put a distance there, but not something that we can't fix.
I get busy with life things and David will hurt my feelings, tick me off, or not do what I need at the moment and instead of me talking it out calmly, I just insist on letting it go because i don't have time to deal with it. It's a hard thing for me to communicate how I feel or think and it's hard for me to understand that when david has a complaint that its not a personal attack on me.
I just want to be perfect for him. I want him to think everything I do is great. (even if it's not I can fake it..LOL)
So the result of life being busy and neither of us dedicating time to listening or actually HEARING what the other person wants has resulted in a lot of hurt feelings, a lot of disappointments, and grudges.
So, in the midst of realizing this and wondering what to do and if anything can be done...I go wedding dress shopping. THEN, I realized when I put on all of those dresses the question I was asking myself was: is David going to love this, Will David think I'm gorgeous, and is this what he pictures me in? So as I chose THE dress last night and was twirling and dancing; the only thing on my mind is I hope I blow his mind away. BUT....then it hit me, why am I only concerned on blowing his mind away that one day? why do I only want him to be appreciative on holidays and our wedding day. I should try everyday to blow his mind away.
Little things on a daily basis mean more to me than big things on an occassional basis. I'm an easy girl to please. I enjoy simple things in life and all it requires is time. That is all we need is time, David and I rarely make that happen. One of our biggest faults is that we talk about what we are going ot do to make time for each other and what litle things each other likes. We do really good the next couple of weeks of doing it but then we fall into the same routine of busy and just keep going on; not noticing that the little things once again are getting left out.
So...My lesson of my own blog is to make time for the little things. Take the extra breath before you speak because if it's not nice, helpful, and neccessary to break the silence, than it probably doesn't need to be said.
couple of quotes to keep in mind:
"When A Man Is Trying To Win The Heart Of A Woman,He Studies Her.He Learns Her Likes,Dislikes,Habits And Hobbies.But After He Wins Her Heart And Marries Her,He Often Stops Learning About Her.If The Amount He Studied Her Before Marriage Was Equal To A High School Degree,He Should Continue To Learn About Her Until He Gains A College Degree,A Master's Degree And Ultimately A Doctorate Degree.It Is A Lifelong Journey That Draws His Heart Ever Closer To Hers"
“Speak when you are angry – and you’ll make the best speech you’ll ever regret.”
~ Dr. Laurence J. Peter
When you are a true listener, you will hear what is not said.”
I'm talking about ALL relationships, family and significant others. This has been on my mind all day because I've gotten lazy in my relationship. David and I have jobs that require a lot of attention, extra hours, and sometimes all of our time. When we get home or are at home we have to spend all of our time trying to see family or cooking, cleaning, and getting all the "responsible" things done. One of the things suffering is our affection and communication. It sucks and has put a distance there, but not something that we can't fix.
I get busy with life things and David will hurt my feelings, tick me off, or not do what I need at the moment and instead of me talking it out calmly, I just insist on letting it go because i don't have time to deal with it. It's a hard thing for me to communicate how I feel or think and it's hard for me to understand that when david has a complaint that its not a personal attack on me.
I just want to be perfect for him. I want him to think everything I do is great. (even if it's not I can fake it..LOL)
So the result of life being busy and neither of us dedicating time to listening or actually HEARING what the other person wants has resulted in a lot of hurt feelings, a lot of disappointments, and grudges.
So, in the midst of realizing this and wondering what to do and if anything can be done...I go wedding dress shopping. THEN, I realized when I put on all of those dresses the question I was asking myself was: is David going to love this, Will David think I'm gorgeous, and is this what he pictures me in? So as I chose THE dress last night and was twirling and dancing; the only thing on my mind is I hope I blow his mind away. BUT....then it hit me, why am I only concerned on blowing his mind away that one day? why do I only want him to be appreciative on holidays and our wedding day. I should try everyday to blow his mind away.
Little things on a daily basis mean more to me than big things on an occassional basis. I'm an easy girl to please. I enjoy simple things in life and all it requires is time. That is all we need is time, David and I rarely make that happen. One of our biggest faults is that we talk about what we are going ot do to make time for each other and what litle things each other likes. We do really good the next couple of weeks of doing it but then we fall into the same routine of busy and just keep going on; not noticing that the little things once again are getting left out.
So...My lesson of my own blog is to make time for the little things. Take the extra breath before you speak because if it's not nice, helpful, and neccessary to break the silence, than it probably doesn't need to be said.
couple of quotes to keep in mind:
"When A Man Is Trying To Win The Heart Of A Woman,He Studies Her.He Learns Her Likes,Dislikes,Habits And Hobbies.But After He Wins Her Heart And Marries Her,He Often Stops Learning About Her.If The Amount He Studied Her Before Marriage Was Equal To A High School Degree,He Should Continue To Learn About Her Until He Gains A College Degree,A Master's Degree And Ultimately A Doctorate Degree.It Is A Lifelong Journey That Draws His Heart Ever Closer To Hers"
“Speak when you are angry – and you’ll make the best speech you’ll ever regret.”
~ Dr. Laurence J. Peter
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Thankful this Holiday...
It's Thanksgiving time and I will be doing the usual running from house to house seeing everyone and eating till I can't eat anymore. It's sort of the same routine year from year. I also take time to enjoy certain traditions through out the holidays and to be mindful of the lessons I have learned, the new people I have met, and the better me I try to become. so here goes....
Each Thanksgiving I look forward to some of the same things, it's not the food or driving from house to house....IT's simple little things that make the Holiday special for me. I LOVE and MUST watch the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade....no Thanksgiving is complete without me watching and seeing that wonderful parade of acts, plays, musicians, and ROCKETTES!!!!!!! I get up and make sure I am settled and ready before it comes on. I miss the days of having nothing to do so that I could dedicate that 3 hours to just the parade, but I now end up getting some cooking or something done while watching it.
I love seeing family and laughing, I'm the type person that I may not remember what I ate at one house or another, but I will remember a laugh, a story, and a comfy feeling. I've always said, if you make me laugh then you have my heart!!
I'm thankful for lots of things this year. I've learn some hard lessons in the past year and I've had the pleasure of some fabulous people coming into my life or making a re-appearance.
I'm thankful for friends, I have the most amazing friends who never fail to understand me. I mean seriously, I get half a sentence out and they already know where I'm headed with it and what I'm feeling. It's great, anything I need they are always willing to be there. I truly am blessed to have them. I have made lots of new friends as well. With my move to Belmont, I am an hour away, if not more, from my friends so I have made some great new ones and I'm thankful for them. I have surrounded myself with people who are there and support me. They may tell me it's a bad idea, BUT they are there for me and if they have something to say, it's said to me not about me. So to all of you I'm soooooo thankful to have you in my life...your words of encouragement and your supports are amazing!!! I just hope I'm as good of a friend to all of you as you are to me.
I'm thankful for my trials and tribulations....GOd knows I've more of those than I bargained for. I have been through a lot in the last year. At this time last year, I was closing some chapters and opening a whole bunch of new ones. I have made a bad decision or two along the way and I've been down and out several times, BUT with each closed chapter, a better one opened, with each bad decision, I learn to make better ones, and with each day I was down, I had two good days to replace it. With each tough hard day, I became stronger and smarter. For that, I'm thankful, I have scars to prove that all wounds heal and all frowns will turn around.
I'm thankful for David....we have been together a little over a year and I would have never imagined that this Thanksgiving I would be planning a wedding. I'm grateful for his friendship that he gave me before we became a couple and I'm grateful for him as the man in my life. David understands ad gets me. He goes the extra mile for me. He a wonderful boyfriend. In 7 short months he will be my husband. I can't wait for that day!!! I can't imagine a better life time partner to have beside me than that man. He still gives me butterflys, he is kind and sweet, he makes me smile at little things, he aggravates the hell out of me and can be soooo irritating. He has my heart, right in the palm of his hand and he is cautious with it. We have been through so much together....a lot good, and some not so good. BUt we made it out as a couple and now we are in it together till the end.
I'm thankful for a lot in my life. the ups and downs, the mistakes and the corrections, and all those who never left my side through it all. So this thanksgiving I wish all of you a wonderful Holiday and a great day and know that I am grateful for every person in my life; you make it worth the ride!!!
Each Thanksgiving I look forward to some of the same things, it's not the food or driving from house to house....IT's simple little things that make the Holiday special for me. I LOVE and MUST watch the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade....no Thanksgiving is complete without me watching and seeing that wonderful parade of acts, plays, musicians, and ROCKETTES!!!!!!! I get up and make sure I am settled and ready before it comes on. I miss the days of having nothing to do so that I could dedicate that 3 hours to just the parade, but I now end up getting some cooking or something done while watching it.
I love seeing family and laughing, I'm the type person that I may not remember what I ate at one house or another, but I will remember a laugh, a story, and a comfy feeling. I've always said, if you make me laugh then you have my heart!!
I'm thankful for lots of things this year. I've learn some hard lessons in the past year and I've had the pleasure of some fabulous people coming into my life or making a re-appearance.
I'm thankful for friends, I have the most amazing friends who never fail to understand me. I mean seriously, I get half a sentence out and they already know where I'm headed with it and what I'm feeling. It's great, anything I need they are always willing to be there. I truly am blessed to have them. I have made lots of new friends as well. With my move to Belmont, I am an hour away, if not more, from my friends so I have made some great new ones and I'm thankful for them. I have surrounded myself with people who are there and support me. They may tell me it's a bad idea, BUT they are there for me and if they have something to say, it's said to me not about me. So to all of you I'm soooooo thankful to have you in my life...your words of encouragement and your supports are amazing!!! I just hope I'm as good of a friend to all of you as you are to me.
I'm thankful for my trials and tribulations....GOd knows I've more of those than I bargained for. I have been through a lot in the last year. At this time last year, I was closing some chapters and opening a whole bunch of new ones. I have made a bad decision or two along the way and I've been down and out several times, BUT with each closed chapter, a better one opened, with each bad decision, I learn to make better ones, and with each day I was down, I had two good days to replace it. With each tough hard day, I became stronger and smarter. For that, I'm thankful, I have scars to prove that all wounds heal and all frowns will turn around.
I'm thankful for David....we have been together a little over a year and I would have never imagined that this Thanksgiving I would be planning a wedding. I'm grateful for his friendship that he gave me before we became a couple and I'm grateful for him as the man in my life. David understands ad gets me. He goes the extra mile for me. He a wonderful boyfriend. In 7 short months he will be my husband. I can't wait for that day!!! I can't imagine a better life time partner to have beside me than that man. He still gives me butterflys, he is kind and sweet, he makes me smile at little things, he aggravates the hell out of me and can be soooo irritating. He has my heart, right in the palm of his hand and he is cautious with it. We have been through so much together....a lot good, and some not so good. BUt we made it out as a couple and now we are in it together till the end.
I'm thankful for a lot in my life. the ups and downs, the mistakes and the corrections, and all those who never left my side through it all. So this thanksgiving I wish all of you a wonderful Holiday and a great day and know that I am grateful for every person in my life; you make it worth the ride!!!
Friday, November 5, 2010
This is who I am when your not looking...
So, I haven't blogged in awhile because I've been so busy with work and tradeshows, BUT I have successfully pulled off all of my events and now I can de-stress a little. Last night (or this morning) I rolled in from Atlanta after doing WFX at 1:00am. I was so tired and sick and just worn down. I got a shower and texted with David for a couple hours. He posted a song that I ABSOLUTELY love and have ever since I heard it. It's called "who are you when I'm not looking." He said that it reminded him of me. Well, now when I listen to that song I really listen to the words. I thought to myself, you know, I am kind of a different person when alone. I let things come out more, I let a guard down, and I let myself fall apart every now and then. So, this blog is to kind of de-stress but to also let the man I love KNOW exactly who I am when he's not around.
So this blog is going to go along with the song but also my actions when I'm home all alone for days while David is gone. This blog will reveal a lot that I don't think even David or Mom knows. So here goes....
I work hard, I'm the Executive Assistant to the President of an Audio Company; my work ethic is strong and I push myself and take on a lot more than I should at times, but I enjoy working and being needed at work. I love at the end of the day going home though. There is nothing like walking in the door and knowing that I'm safe and can relax. Usually if David is in town then I will go home and start supper, cook, maybe do laundry, then dishes, then shower, devotion, and then bed. When he is gone, I go home take the puppy out, play with Chumley for an hour or so. Give him treats and then I have a beer or a mix drink to settle me down. I read Chumley stories.... I know, but I do, and he listens, it is the sweetest moment I get with him all day. Usually if I have no show coming on I will fix me a bowl of cereal and dance and sing with Chumley. He loves when I dance and he gets to jump and act a fool with me. We dance all over the apt and it is such a fun time. Come shower time or bath time; that is me time. I give Chumley all my love while I'm home...I want 30 minutes for me so that when I get out I have all my love to give him again. So, yes babe, I do undress and leave a path from my side of the bed to the bathroom door. Chumley like to put my clothes in a pile and snuggle in them and so I don't have to fight him and feel bad for not letting him in the bathroom. So I turn the radio on and hop in the shower or bathtub and I sing. I sing loudly. I sing songs that remind me of my day or how I'm feeling at that moment. I get out and dry off and will ususally let Chumley in because he thinks I'm dancing without him.
After that I may go to bed or if Chumley is playing with toys I will take some time and write. I hold a lot in and I try not to let all of my negative feelings come out for the world to see. It helps nothing (yes babe, I know I can be negative but you don't see half of what goes through my head or what I feel.) I will write and think about things I have done through out the day or emotions I went through. I think about me and David. It's hard when David is gone and I try not to say I miss you and wish you were here all the time because he doesn't really need to hear that. I try to have a little bit of a life here while he is gone. I try to focus on me or spend as much time spoiling Chumley as possible. (I adore that dog to the ends of the earth) Sometimes after I start writing about me and David or thinking about us, I cry and I cry hard. IT's not easy going two weeks and only seeing him one day or feeling bad and needing him and him not being there. It sucks because when you date a man in racing you have to come to grips with the fact that racing is first priority and first love, and the life at home falls in wherever it fits. I still have trouble but David likes what he does and he has been doing it long before he met me and I wouldn't ask him to change that. So yeah I have a difficult time and I spend a great deal of time feeling lonely BUT the great thing about that is I enjoy our time together AND I have a little 4 pound love that comes running to me as soon as I move and am ready to snuggle and I realize that I have everything I need and want to not feel lonely in that little guy. He's wonderful. He is such a blessing and I love him to death.
So, in the end. I dance, sing, drink, love, cry, and get lonely. BUT when David is gone it allows me time to bond wiht Chumley, time to miss him, and time to be me if I want or not to be me, it allows me to fall apart and not have to worry about it.
So, that is who I am when no one is looking....
So this blog is going to go along with the song but also my actions when I'm home all alone for days while David is gone. This blog will reveal a lot that I don't think even David or Mom knows. So here goes....
I work hard, I'm the Executive Assistant to the President of an Audio Company; my work ethic is strong and I push myself and take on a lot more than I should at times, but I enjoy working and being needed at work. I love at the end of the day going home though. There is nothing like walking in the door and knowing that I'm safe and can relax. Usually if David is in town then I will go home and start supper, cook, maybe do laundry, then dishes, then shower, devotion, and then bed. When he is gone, I go home take the puppy out, play with Chumley for an hour or so. Give him treats and then I have a beer or a mix drink to settle me down. I read Chumley stories.... I know, but I do, and he listens, it is the sweetest moment I get with him all day. Usually if I have no show coming on I will fix me a bowl of cereal and dance and sing with Chumley. He loves when I dance and he gets to jump and act a fool with me. We dance all over the apt and it is such a fun time. Come shower time or bath time; that is me time. I give Chumley all my love while I'm home...I want 30 minutes for me so that when I get out I have all my love to give him again. So, yes babe, I do undress and leave a path from my side of the bed to the bathroom door. Chumley like to put my clothes in a pile and snuggle in them and so I don't have to fight him and feel bad for not letting him in the bathroom. So I turn the radio on and hop in the shower or bathtub and I sing. I sing loudly. I sing songs that remind me of my day or how I'm feeling at that moment. I get out and dry off and will ususally let Chumley in because he thinks I'm dancing without him.
After that I may go to bed or if Chumley is playing with toys I will take some time and write. I hold a lot in and I try not to let all of my negative feelings come out for the world to see. It helps nothing (yes babe, I know I can be negative but you don't see half of what goes through my head or what I feel.) I will write and think about things I have done through out the day or emotions I went through. I think about me and David. It's hard when David is gone and I try not to say I miss you and wish you were here all the time because he doesn't really need to hear that. I try to have a little bit of a life here while he is gone. I try to focus on me or spend as much time spoiling Chumley as possible. (I adore that dog to the ends of the earth) Sometimes after I start writing about me and David or thinking about us, I cry and I cry hard. IT's not easy going two weeks and only seeing him one day or feeling bad and needing him and him not being there. It sucks because when you date a man in racing you have to come to grips with the fact that racing is first priority and first love, and the life at home falls in wherever it fits. I still have trouble but David likes what he does and he has been doing it long before he met me and I wouldn't ask him to change that. So yeah I have a difficult time and I spend a great deal of time feeling lonely BUT the great thing about that is I enjoy our time together AND I have a little 4 pound love that comes running to me as soon as I move and am ready to snuggle and I realize that I have everything I need and want to not feel lonely in that little guy. He's wonderful. He is such a blessing and I love him to death.
So, in the end. I dance, sing, drink, love, cry, and get lonely. BUT when David is gone it allows me time to bond wiht Chumley, time to miss him, and time to be me if I want or not to be me, it allows me to fall apart and not have to worry about it.
So, that is who I am when no one is looking....
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Go pink
Well, I'm doing this blogging thing again.
Today, this blog is for people who have fought and survived breast cancer, in memory of breast cancer fighters, and families and friends touched by the battle.
October is Breast cancer awareness month. It's a cancer that I always thought was fun to fight for because it was pink; till a few years ago, I had a whole new reason for making breast cancer survival and early detection a mission of mine.
I know there are other cancers and I fight for survival and a cure for a lot. I take on one at a time and when I feel my calling for the cause is done; then I move on to the next cause that needs my attention.
Some facts for you:
Now, I'm the first to say that the monthly breast exam never happens for me; I'm 24!!!!! That should not be a worry that I have, but Monday morning on the radio, I hear a story from a 24 year old woman who has already beat breast cancer. At the age of 24 she has accomplished such a task and now speaks to others about it.
I have older female friends who have fought and beat breast cancer...... to you women, congratulations, you are a role model for me and your families, you are survivors, you are warriors that didn't take no for an answer. You are women who took the negative and celebrated it!!! Congratulations on life everyday!!!
Some of you are probably asking, why breast cancer?? Why is that your cause? Is it because of the pink ribbon? NO Is it because most women choose that cause? NO
It's because my best friend and biggest fan has survived breast cancer Not once, but twice.
Cancer is a scary thing, it almost seems like a death sentence. BUT....a person's attitude can affect a lot when it comes to cancer...between the power of God and positive thinking, you would be amazed at what can change in a person.
My mother and I are best friends, she is my parent first and foremost, but I've always chose to take my own path so instead of fighting me; she is just there along the way when I make it or need to turn around. We haven't always been the best of friends. My mother and I clashed horribly when I was younger and well into my teens; even after moving out of her house. She would say things or do something or not even do anything and it was irritating. I thought, God, give me a break; why does she have to be this way.
It was a few months later I noticed a lot of Dr's appts and mom never said anything to me. It went on for awhile and it wasn't until she was on her way to recovery that she slightly mentioned what was going on. Se assured me she was ok; I quickly adjusted my attitude. Moms aren't perfect; I mean at one time they were children, they do the best they can. I never again asked God for a break or why she had to be irritating (and he knows she can irritate me like no other). Instead I take a breath step back. I can say that we are a lot more honest with each other and just say it, argue it, and move on. No grudges, no nothing. Well, I thanked God that Mom made it through that and I decided to be an advocate for breast cancer fighters, survivors, and daughters. Seem like a good plan.
Well, I donated and wore pink, THEN mom was diagnosed again. I mean really???? As much as I need my Mom for things, God would do that? She has always had a positive outlook on it and doesn't ever complain (ok, not like I think she should). Mom has fault, she has fault hard and long. She fault for herself but for more than anything; she fought cancer for 2 kids who would be lost without her; who are not ready to give their mom to heaven. She fought for the right to live.
I spent one year as the ambassador for the avon breast cancer walk, I donate money, I purchase the merchandise, I have help causes, and I listen to other fighters or families of fighters. I use to take part in an online website where daughters of breast cancer fighters went to talk. It was nice to have that to do on a bad day. My day never seemed quite that bad by the time I finished.
So, my point here, do your examinations, go to the Dr, pay attention, and love each other. Cancer is spreading more in 2010 than ever before. It strikes when you least need it to.
Mom, to you, thank you for being a fighter and a survivor. It doesn't define you but its you. Know that every fight I have in me and all the strength I have to make it through is mostly to your fight and your inner strength. Thank you for fighting for me!!! I love you!!!
To people who didn't win their battle, thank you, for the awareness you give, and the fight you put up. Your memories are kept alive in families.
To everyone else, pick a cause, doesn't have to be cancer. Just pick one and stand for it, fight for it, fight for the survivors!! It is an eye opening experience and fills you with a self of purpose.
October is breast cancer awareness month, do your exam, wear pink, and pay attention. Do research, find out what yoru chances are. Women have to help women and we have to educate ourselves.
Today, this blog is for people who have fought and survived breast cancer, in memory of breast cancer fighters, and families and friends touched by the battle.
October is Breast cancer awareness month. It's a cancer that I always thought was fun to fight for because it was pink; till a few years ago, I had a whole new reason for making breast cancer survival and early detection a mission of mine.
I know there are other cancers and I fight for survival and a cure for a lot. I take on one at a time and when I feel my calling for the cause is done; then I move on to the next cause that needs my attention.
Some facts for you:
- About 1 in 8 women in the United States (between 12 and 13%) will develop invasive breast cancer over the course of her lifetime.
- About 39,840 women in the U.S. are expected to die in 2010 from breast cancer, though death rates have been decreasing since 1991. These decreases are thought to be the result of treatment advances, earlier detection through screening, and increased awareness.
- For women in the U.S., breast cancer death rates are higher than those for any other cancer, besides lung cancer.
- A woman’s risk of breast cancer approximately doubles if she has a first-degree relative (mother, sister, daughter) who has been diagnosed with breast cancer. About 20-30% of women diagnosed with breast cancer have a family history of breast cancer.
Now, I'm the first to say that the monthly breast exam never happens for me; I'm 24!!!!! That should not be a worry that I have, but Monday morning on the radio, I hear a story from a 24 year old woman who has already beat breast cancer. At the age of 24 she has accomplished such a task and now speaks to others about it.
I have older female friends who have fought and beat breast cancer...... to you women, congratulations, you are a role model for me and your families, you are survivors, you are warriors that didn't take no for an answer. You are women who took the negative and celebrated it!!! Congratulations on life everyday!!!
Some of you are probably asking, why breast cancer?? Why is that your cause? Is it because of the pink ribbon? NO Is it because most women choose that cause? NO
It's because my best friend and biggest fan has survived breast cancer Not once, but twice.
Cancer is a scary thing, it almost seems like a death sentence. BUT....a person's attitude can affect a lot when it comes to cancer...between the power of God and positive thinking, you would be amazed at what can change in a person.
My mother and I are best friends, she is my parent first and foremost, but I've always chose to take my own path so instead of fighting me; she is just there along the way when I make it or need to turn around. We haven't always been the best of friends. My mother and I clashed horribly when I was younger and well into my teens; even after moving out of her house. She would say things or do something or not even do anything and it was irritating. I thought, God, give me a break; why does she have to be this way.
It was a few months later I noticed a lot of Dr's appts and mom never said anything to me. It went on for awhile and it wasn't until she was on her way to recovery that she slightly mentioned what was going on. Se assured me she was ok; I quickly adjusted my attitude. Moms aren't perfect; I mean at one time they were children, they do the best they can. I never again asked God for a break or why she had to be irritating (and he knows she can irritate me like no other). Instead I take a breath step back. I can say that we are a lot more honest with each other and just say it, argue it, and move on. No grudges, no nothing. Well, I thanked God that Mom made it through that and I decided to be an advocate for breast cancer fighters, survivors, and daughters. Seem like a good plan.
Well, I donated and wore pink, THEN mom was diagnosed again. I mean really???? As much as I need my Mom for things, God would do that? She has always had a positive outlook on it and doesn't ever complain (ok, not like I think she should). Mom has fault, she has fault hard and long. She fault for herself but for more than anything; she fought cancer for 2 kids who would be lost without her; who are not ready to give their mom to heaven. She fought for the right to live.
I spent one year as the ambassador for the avon breast cancer walk, I donate money, I purchase the merchandise, I have help causes, and I listen to other fighters or families of fighters. I use to take part in an online website where daughters of breast cancer fighters went to talk. It was nice to have that to do on a bad day. My day never seemed quite that bad by the time I finished.
So, my point here, do your examinations, go to the Dr, pay attention, and love each other. Cancer is spreading more in 2010 than ever before. It strikes when you least need it to.
Mom, to you, thank you for being a fighter and a survivor. It doesn't define you but its you. Know that every fight I have in me and all the strength I have to make it through is mostly to your fight and your inner strength. Thank you for fighting for me!!! I love you!!!
To people who didn't win their battle, thank you, for the awareness you give, and the fight you put up. Your memories are kept alive in families.
To everyone else, pick a cause, doesn't have to be cancer. Just pick one and stand for it, fight for it, fight for the survivors!! It is an eye opening experience and fills you with a self of purpose.
October is breast cancer awareness month, do your exam, wear pink, and pay attention. Do research, find out what yoru chances are. Women have to help women and we have to educate ourselves.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
A new start
Ok, I haven't blogged in FOREVER!!! Love to write but it's been awhile since I was in the blogging world. So here goes again. I use to love to do it and my girl Ashley has gotten me started again.
I don't neccesarily blog about any one subject or another; I just blog!! So, if you don't care, don't read!!
So this first blog is going to cover it all, me, growing up, hard times, happy times, and where I am today and why I am so thankful to be where I am.
First warning with this blog is the truth will come out...so if you don't want to know some truths about some people and situations; I suggest you stop reading now. :)
My name is Amanda Lynn Medford, I'm 24 and will be turning the dreaded 25 on December 1st!!!! I was born in Beaufort, SC in 1985 to Jeff and Ellie Medford. I lived in Beaufort for a little while, then we moved to Oklahoma where my Daddy went to Air traffic control...Then it was on to TN; there my parents had my brother. After a few years there we moved to Alexis, NC where I started school. Then it was on to Rutherford County where I got stuck....that is what I use to feel like, stuck.
I went to Ellenboro, East middle, and East high school. Made friends, had the usual teenage drama. Had some good and bad relationships. My junior year I met Danny who I married at the age of 19 and he was 22. The thing about the marriage is that it was NEVER meant to be. I cared for him and he use to be a good man, but he had an issue with accepting me as his wife, to honor me and realize that I had to take some kind of priority in his life. After about a year of that; I knew I was never going to be as much to him as I should have been. We had very many struggles in marriage and none of them ever resolved.
April 3rd of 2009 I walked out. I left and left it all behind. I was willing to take the bad mouthing, the blame, and all the struggles just to seek some kind of happiness. I in that time made a good many bad decisions along the way. Dated a person I should have never come to date. BUT.....
one thing that came out of dating that person was.....true love and happiness. Everything I had been searching for was now right in front of me. It seemed too easy, it seemed to be a trick!! I was convinced that love couldn't appear this easy. He was my best friend LONG before he was my boyfriend. He had been with me through a lot in a short time and always seem to know when and I needed him; even if I didn't say it.
I spent many nights thinking about him and why I couldn't seem to get through a day without "needing" him. So after a couple months of being friends and hanging out we decided to date, but not so seriously.
It was too late.....I had already grow to love him and had fallen in love with him before I knew it. Everything he did seemed amazing, but I didn't trusts him with my heart. Everyone had taken pieces of it and never gave the pieces back. I couldn't give another piece away.
So I built walls; never letting him know exactly what he meant to me; which was a mistake on my part and caused mistakes to be made on his part.
After a couple incidents of hurt and a serious conversation; we knew that we were right for each other and it was time to get on that track.
I have been through it all with relationships....I had my first heart break, my first crush, the abusive your not good enough, and the you'll never compare and I'm not off mom's breast milk relationship. (seriously, the last of them all was the worst!) LOL.
David is gentle, he is strong, he sensitive, but he is hard enough. David loves me completely, he stands up for me, he goes against the world WITH me. We are truly a team. He works with me and is at times patient with me. David was the first thing in the new start to my new life.
I had a new job; I was getting out of Rutherford County; and he was right there with me to help with the adjustment. I had the man I had always dreamed of.
Now the next step in our life together is approaching in almost 8 months and I care about nothing but being his wife and growing old with him. HE supports me when I need it; he listens when I need it; and he has become my everything!!
David is successful and he works hard for everything. Not a day goes by that I don't look at him and think of how proud I am and how lucky I am to be his
Now, don't get me wrong; he has his faults and his flaws, but that is what makes him perfect for me.
I finally have someone that I can talk to and a team mate who will work with me and not against me in life.
So....David Henry Lester Jr.........know that you are my world, every time I pray, I thank God for you and ask that he make me into what you want and have dreamed of!!!!
I don't neccesarily blog about any one subject or another; I just blog!! So, if you don't care, don't read!!
So this first blog is going to cover it all, me, growing up, hard times, happy times, and where I am today and why I am so thankful to be where I am.
First warning with this blog is the truth will come out...so if you don't want to know some truths about some people and situations; I suggest you stop reading now. :)
My name is Amanda Lynn Medford, I'm 24 and will be turning the dreaded 25 on December 1st!!!! I was born in Beaufort, SC in 1985 to Jeff and Ellie Medford. I lived in Beaufort for a little while, then we moved to Oklahoma where my Daddy went to Air traffic control...Then it was on to TN; there my parents had my brother. After a few years there we moved to Alexis, NC where I started school. Then it was on to Rutherford County where I got stuck....that is what I use to feel like, stuck.
I went to Ellenboro, East middle, and East high school. Made friends, had the usual teenage drama. Had some good and bad relationships. My junior year I met Danny who I married at the age of 19 and he was 22. The thing about the marriage is that it was NEVER meant to be. I cared for him and he use to be a good man, but he had an issue with accepting me as his wife, to honor me and realize that I had to take some kind of priority in his life. After about a year of that; I knew I was never going to be as much to him as I should have been. We had very many struggles in marriage and none of them ever resolved.
April 3rd of 2009 I walked out. I left and left it all behind. I was willing to take the bad mouthing, the blame, and all the struggles just to seek some kind of happiness. I in that time made a good many bad decisions along the way. Dated a person I should have never come to date. BUT.....
one thing that came out of dating that person was.....true love and happiness. Everything I had been searching for was now right in front of me. It seemed too easy, it seemed to be a trick!! I was convinced that love couldn't appear this easy. He was my best friend LONG before he was my boyfriend. He had been with me through a lot in a short time and always seem to know when and I needed him; even if I didn't say it.
I spent many nights thinking about him and why I couldn't seem to get through a day without "needing" him. So after a couple months of being friends and hanging out we decided to date, but not so seriously.
It was too late.....I had already grow to love him and had fallen in love with him before I knew it. Everything he did seemed amazing, but I didn't trusts him with my heart. Everyone had taken pieces of it and never gave the pieces back. I couldn't give another piece away.
So I built walls; never letting him know exactly what he meant to me; which was a mistake on my part and caused mistakes to be made on his part.
After a couple incidents of hurt and a serious conversation; we knew that we were right for each other and it was time to get on that track.
I have been through it all with relationships....I had my first heart break, my first crush, the abusive your not good enough, and the you'll never compare and I'm not off mom's breast milk relationship. (seriously, the last of them all was the worst!) LOL.
David is gentle, he is strong, he sensitive, but he is hard enough. David loves me completely, he stands up for me, he goes against the world WITH me. We are truly a team. He works with me and is at times patient with me. David was the first thing in the new start to my new life.
I had a new job; I was getting out of Rutherford County; and he was right there with me to help with the adjustment. I had the man I had always dreamed of.
Now the next step in our life together is approaching in almost 8 months and I care about nothing but being his wife and growing old with him. HE supports me when I need it; he listens when I need it; and he has become my everything!!
David is successful and he works hard for everything. Not a day goes by that I don't look at him and think of how proud I am and how lucky I am to be his
Now, don't get me wrong; he has his faults and his flaws, but that is what makes him perfect for me.
I finally have someone that I can talk to and a team mate who will work with me and not against me in life.
So....David Henry Lester Jr.........know that you are my world, every time I pray, I thank God for you and ask that he make me into what you want and have dreamed of!!!!
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